TD Chapter 38: [Another Perspective] Arte’s Struggle

　I had never had the opportunity to speak with my father, and I was not very close to my mother either.

　The reason was simple: I was a failure.

(T.L. Note: This sentence is unedited MTL raw. When I read it being spelled out so clearly, even I felt the sting.)

　As long as I can remember, I was always extremely timid. I had a plethora of troublesome likes and dislikes, and I was never good at studying. In fact, now that I think about it, I was never really good at anything. The only thing which with which I had some confidence about was my skill in Puppetery magic.

　I am not athletic and am a horrible dancer, but I can move puppets to dance the beautiful dances that I myself cannot. Although I wasn’t good at anything, I believed that I might be able to make my mother happy by letting a doll dance for me.

　I diligently practiced my magic, excited at the prospect of being praised by my father and mother, whom I rarely met.

　But when I tried to control a doll which was of similar size to me, my mother got angry with me and stared at me with horrified eyes.

　When, I performed had the puppet perform the dance that I had practiced every day, and it must have been a fearful and disgusting experience for her.

　I can hardly remember what she said to me. The only thing I remember is that she slapped me on the cheek and grabbed me by the hair and dragged me out of the room and into the hallway. The rest of the time, she yelled at me saying, “What an unfilial child!” That’s all I remember.

　I didn’t know why she was angry at me. Perhaps it was because I didn’t learn all of the fine details of magic. Maybe I just didn’t do it well enough?

　But my world was so small, and my mother, who was a large part of my world, made a deep impression.

　I couldn’t do anything.

　I couldn’t say or do anything on my own because I lacked confidence.

　The magic I kept practicing desperately in order to make myself worth something also proved to be useless in the end.

　Instead, it might have been the deciding factor which lead to me becoming an outcast. Since then, my mother never looked me in the eye again. Although father never acknowledged me to begin with, it was excruciating whenever mother ignored me when I walked by her in the mansion halls.

　But it was my own fault, so I had no right to be sad or angry. I was trash which had no choice. So I spent my time quietly hiding my existence, holding my breath.

　Eventually, I became invisible to everyone. No one spoke to me, and I spent my days just idling, doing nothing.

　Although nothing was done to me, when I was alone in my room, I cried.

　Maybe my mother was expecting great things from my magical aptitude. Maybe she was sad that the results were something that she had not wanted.

　If so, what a terrible thing I had done.

　You gave birth to me, and you expected me to be there for you, but I couldn’t do anything for you, mother. I just let you down.

　I am a filthy, unfilial child.

　I cried aloud when I made that realization. I was sad. Sad and in pain.

　Two months, three months, or maybe six months passed after that.

　Then, for the first time in my memory, my father called me.

　I had spent every day crying, and I never expected to be called upon anymore.

　I had nothing to show. I was small, not very smart, and I had no talent. So I was sure that the reason I had been called was too be told that I was being exiled from the house.

　With that in mind, I obediently stood, stiff as an ornamental piece, in a corner of the large room and waited.

　The father who showed up was a little fatter than I had seen him a few years ago.

(T.L. Note: …So Arte hadn’t even seen her father in years.)

“Ah. It is honor to see you after such a long time, father…”

　I bowed as carefully as I could. Along with my voice, my hands trembled as I held the hem of my skirt. What would my father think of me, unable to do such a simple thing satisfactorily?

　I was too scared to look up.

　Then, instead of reprimanding me, Father made conversation with someone who appeared after me. By the pitch of her voice, I guessed that they were a women.

“This is it,”

“I see. But are you sure about sending me? Considering the person you are dealing with, why not just send them asubpoena?”

(T.L. Note: A subpoena is a “writ ordering a person to attend court”, according to google.)

“A foolish course of action. This is a time sensitive case, and this is the most efficient method. You will obey my command, even if you have to out yourself into danger.”

“I understand. Well, if the boy is unsuitable, I will make sure to bring your daughter back.”

　After the women said this, I could no longer hear my father’s gravelly tone. Soon, I heard the sound of harsh footsteps approaching.

“Hello, Miss Arte on Ferdinand. I am Viscount Panamera Carrera Cayenne. Your marriage, have you heard of it?”

(T.L. Note: To hear, “Your marriage, have you heard of it?”… I can’t even think of a way to describe it.)

　Although she looked like a strong woman on the outside, Viscount Cayenne looked at me with kind eyes.

”Oh, well, I didn’t, I didn’t hear…”

　I didn’t know how to answer her, and I fumbled my words. However, the Viscount was not angry.

“If he’s incompetent, I will refuse him, so don’t worry yourself”

“Are you getting rid of me?”

“No, nothing of the sort. As you know, Miss Arte’s brother and sister already have a fiancée. You are the only only who has not yet found a match. I hope you find a good match.”

　Laughing with a rather masculine, vivacious laugh, the Viscount stroked my head. Looking at her musculature, I thought that her stroking would have hurt my head, but her movements were surprisingly gentle.

　The back of my nose tingled and I hurriedly held back my tears.

　For the first time in two years, I finally met someone who properly looked at me.

　The next three weeks on the carriage ride were the best days of my life. Although Panamera had a short temper, she was a kind person.

　She was especially upset after I called myself useless, but after reprimanding me, she gave me a hug.

　She patted me on the head repeatedly and said many reassuring words.

　I even cried, to my surprise. I was just incredibly happy.

　Even after such a shameful, selfish display, Panamera didn’t get angry. In fact, the only thing she did was continue to pat my head. I grew to adore Panamera’s warm touch.

　They were gentle and warm. I wondered whether she had a magical aptitude that gave her such a soothing touch.

　I asked her, but Panamera just laughed, saying her hands were covered in scars and blisters.

　By the time we reached our destination, a remote village, I already knew that I did not want to get engaged.

　Instead, I wanted to stay with Lady Panamera forever.

　So when I first met the child village lord, I didn’t think I was going to get too close to him.

　I guess that was his intention as well, seeing as he only talked to Panamera.

　I met someone who didn’t put me in his eyes. Although I realized such a thing, it didn’t bother me at all. Because I had Panamera by my side.

　With that in mind, I observed him as if he were some distant acquaintance rather than my husband-to-be.

　This guy was clearly a very special person. Even Panamera was impressed when she saw the outer wall. Even more so after she met Van and talked with him.

　Although I’ve never heard of him, this little village lord brought this village out of poverty and made it strong and rich.

　It was an amazing feat.

　I vaguely had that impression.

　He’s the complete opposite of me. He even has many subordinates who diligently stand next to him, no doubt caring for their lord in every way they can.

　I am sure he can do everything and has lived up to the expectations of his father and mother. He is talented, competent, and absolutely exudes confidence.

　I can’t help but feel some jealousy.

　Why is he so different from me?

　Why is he the only one to be so blessed?

　I was sinking into some dark thoughts, but I looked up when he suddenly burst out laughing and denied Panamera’s words.

“The only two subordinates that were given to me by my father were a child and a maid. I also didn’t receive any financial aid.”

　I was confused to hear that.

　I spoke as if I had been treated coldly, but now I see that that couldn’t have been true. If he had been secretly excluding me from the conversation, I don’t think he could have made such an open and hearty confession.

　He also said that he had been kicked out of his own house.

　There seemed to be no lie in those words, and the self-deprecating profile of the boy, Van Ney Fertio, made me intensely interested in him.

(T.L. Note: This is the first time she calls him by name. On a side-note, I got so absorbed by Arte’s story that I ended up translating this whole chapter in just a few hours. So you get a chapter really fast courtesy of Arte’s Suffering! Wait.)

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